this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
