Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize