You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
