The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize