I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A bitchslap is in order.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
