shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
