mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
