its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
