He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You did what with his pubic hair?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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