this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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