I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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