Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
