I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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