That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
