I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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