sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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