It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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