Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
