He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
