That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize