Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
