his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
