Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
