Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
