Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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