We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
