I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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