i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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