I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
