my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
