get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
