you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Michael Bay diarrhea
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
