Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
