Non-Jews are for practice
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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