but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
