Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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