Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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