My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
