well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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