Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
