I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
