How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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