So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
