i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
