the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
