please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize