Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
