She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't notice because vodka
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
