Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
