i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
