It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
