I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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