had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
