I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
