i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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