I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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