So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
