I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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