Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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