i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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