wanna go halves on a baby?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
