dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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