I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Come share oat with me in your robe
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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